Today is radiation. She got transferred down to the gamma knife "suite", they try to make it sound so nice. Dr. Anderson, the neurosurgeon, came to put on her "crown", this heavy titanium cage-like thing that screwed ever so lightly in to her forehead and the back of head. She has now been carrying that around since 8:00 this morning. She then went for her MRI and went on to sit for roughly 3-4 hours, mind you with her "crown", while they planned her radiation. She has been in there receiving radiation for about 1 1/2, she has about 20 more minutes to go. They will then remove her "crown" and she will have four little band aids on the spots where the screws are and they will wrap her head in gauze. So I was told, this sounds a lot worse then it is. Really???? How does this sound.... A 17 year old girl who just got her life back after 52 rounds of radiation and 14 cycles of chemotherapy, after losing her hair, missing out on some stuff she wanted to do, after losing people who she thought were friends, after months in the hospital, multiple surgeries and then finally being told she has ovarian failure and most likely will never have kids and then for days later being told her CANCER is back and in the brain none the less and its inoperable. Well to me it is a hell of lot worse then it sounds! I am angry and maybe she was trying to keep mom calm. But I am not inside i want to jump out and hit someone or something. This is not fair, yes I'm as positive as I can be but I mad that she has to go through this again. The chemos aren't as hasty as the first, is that good or bad?, well survey is optimal but gamma knife is great too?, it's funny how words are said and taken back... I am numb as to my emotion on the outside, but my insides are just screaming. I'm ranting and I'm sorry but this is just too overwhelming for me today! Thank you as always for your prayers and support. She will hopefully be going home today. Hope, Faith and Encouragement!